Welcome! I commend you for having the courage to seek help to make something better in your life. I've found that it can make a life-changing difference to feel heard, understood, and empowered. My name is Chris Kolhouse. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in Colorado. I obtained my graduate degree in Counseling in 2010 and became licensed in 2015. I provide individual counseling to adults and older adolescents (typically 15+). I tend to help my clients with issues related to self-esteem, anxiety, depression, anger, trauma, grief and loss, relationship issues and major life transitions. I view the therapeutic relationship as a collaborative alliance and work with my clients to create solutions that draw on their strengths while leveraging evidenced based therapeutic approaches. I believe in the importance of building a safe, caring, and empowering therapeutic rapport with my clients. I enjoy helping my clients to practice new life strategies, to see their own inner strength and to come to further know and believe in themselves. If you think I can help, please don't hesitate to call for a free consultation.
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Passive – People who use passive communication tend to hint at their needsinstead of openly or directly stating their wants or needs. Many times, they do this to avoid initial conflict. Passive communicators will often use phrases like “Whatever you think”, “It doesn’t matter to me”, OR “This might sound strange”.
Possible Consequences of Passive Communication: Passive communicators may allow hurts or anger to build up and once they have reached their tolerance level they may have explosive outbursts, which are out of proportion to the event.
Aggressive – People who use aggressive communication express themselves in a way that clearly states their wants and needs, but, in doing so, might infringe on the rights and needs of others. They may do this due to feeling unheard, or unappreciated. Aggressive communicators will often use phrases like “You make me mad”, “You never...”, OR “It is all your fault”.
Possible Consequences of Aggressive Communication: Aggressive communicators often find themselves alienated from those around them as peoplelearn to fear their reactions.
Passive- Aggressive – People who use passive-aggressive communication often express themselves in ways that seem passive and agreeable, but are actually lashing out in anger in subtle ways. They may do this due to feeling powerless or unable to directly confront the object of their anger. Passive-Aggressive communicators may mumble or mutter under their breath instead of speaking directly, use facial expressions that don’t match their words, or use sarcasm/humor to avoid a direct confrontation.
Possible Consequences of Aggressive Communication: Passive-Aggressive communicators may become alienated from those around them as they are never able to directly confront the problem and therefore are also unable to work toward any type of resolution.
Assertive – People who use assertive communication are able to express their wants and feelings in a way that doesn’t discount the wants and needs of those around them. Assertive communicators desire to hear other thoughts and feelings,while still being able to express their own. Assertive communicators use phrases such as “I want”, “Tell me what you think”, OR “How can we work together?”
Possible Consequences of Assertive Communication: Assertive communicators feel connected to those around them and feel powerful as their needs and wants are being heard. They also feel a sense of power at being part of the solution to a problem.
Following is a list of suggestions & tips to keep a conversation from turning into an argument/fight. This will allow everyone involved to feel less hurt or attacked and more understood and cared for.
Only one person speaks at a time. Keep comments brief, so everyone gets a turn. Challenge ideas, words, and actions...but make it clear you are not attacking the other person. Take a time out if the situation is becoming too heated or upsetting. Determine for how long, then return in an attempt to resolve the situation/issue being discussed. Respect when the other person needs a time out. Take deep breaths often, to keep yourself calm – ESPECIALLY when you feel like lashing out at the other person. Do NOT bring up past hurts or arguments. Do NOT “hit below the belt” or use the other person’s triggers/sensitivities as leverage. Do not have arguments when there is not enough time, space, or privacy. Do not allow one argument to “mushroom” into a battle over EVERYTHING. Stay focused on one issue or problem at a time. Allow humor to arise spontaneously. If done respectfully, letting a smile or giggle through when it feels genuine – perhaps at the absurdity of it all – can work wonders in defusing a heated argument. When someone breaks a rule, point it out calmly and respectfully (otherwise the rules themselves will become something to fight about). No name calling. DO NOT try to "win" or be right! It’s “ok” to apologize/admit you are wrong.
Taking responsibility for our feelings helps us improve our communication when we are feeling upset or angry. One way to achieve this is by using “I” Statements. This technique allows us to communicate what is upsetting us while minimizing blame toward others. If a statement comes off as blaming, the person receiving the message will often feel attacked and/or become defensive.
Reasons for implementing "I" Statements:
The Four Parts of "I" Statements
Combine these parts to create an “I” Statement as follows: “I feel really scared when someone doesn’t call if they are going to be late, because I worry that something may have happened to them.”
This outline is meant to help you create, work toward, and ACHIEVE your goals. Following these steps significantly improves your changes of doing so.
In 1979 there was a study done with graduates from Harvard University. They were asked one simple question: “Have you set clear, written goals for your future and made plans to accomplish them?” The responses showed the following...
In 1989, ten years later, the researchers again interviewed the graduates from that class. The results were shocking...
Communication is the exchange of information between 2 or more people. There are several basicconcepts to keep in mind when communicating with others. These things will help ensure your message is received in the manner in which you intended.
Examples of what Impacts Communication